Oh, mama.

I had trouble falling asleep last night. That happens to me about once a week. My mind was flipping my to do list over and over while I tried to find a comfortable position. I am feeling lucky about my sleep. From being the girl who was constantly in pain that kept me up and woke me up every night, to sleeping like a log, I don’t fuss when I have a little trouble getting to sleep.

Once asleep I had a wonderful dream about my mama. I pushed the clothes aside and I walked into my childhood closet (not a walk in closet). Behind my clothes was a large room with a glass floor. Under the floor was water. When I looked closer I could see that there, deep in the distance was a large ball that looked like the earth. I could see houses and people all going about their day. I turned to my mama who was sitting in a chair, a glass of Amaretto in her hand. She smiled at me and said, “Hi Susan. Sit down here with me for a while. She had a small table next to her. It is the same Ethan Allen colonial table that sat beside her chair my entire life, and is now in my laundry room. On the table was a tube of bright red lipstick, the only color lipstick she ever wore.

I was happy to see her. She looked great and young. She looked like she was about 50 or 60. I tried to reach down and hug her but she held her glass up in at toast, which kept me at arms length. “Cheers,” she said with a smile.

She said she was so happy and content. Truth be told I don’t remember my mother being any other way. Next to the lipstick on the table was a calendar. She pointed at it and said, “Where I am those aren’t a thing. We have no calendars. I suggest you pay no attention to the days and months as well. And, Suz, you really can do anything that you want.” She smiled and I woke up.

I came downstairs this morning and I flipped the pages on my calendar. Something I forgot to do this weekend. I saw this.

I know what mama is talking about. Next week is March. Typically that has been a rough month for me. My mama died on March 13, Dad on March 23 and my son, Joe on March 30. Ugh. A lot of loss is held in the energy of those days. My plan is to do as she said, ignore the dates, this year.

I am turning 60 on March 29th. Recently I have been thinking about the possibilities of all that I would like to do in my next (God willing) 20 to 30 years.

It is nice to know that mama is close and she is watching. It is nice to know she is happy and content.  It is wonderful to think that those we love are just a breath away from us.

Although I might look like a clown and I can’t really pull it off, I think it is time to invest in some red lipstick.



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