A clean marble slab.

I have taken a break from any news stories. I have stopped looking at friend’s political posts. I will not have conversations that involve talking about the election or the state of our country.

Yesterday I woke up thinking about Joe and my parents. I often think about them when life is getting too much for me. I ask them to send me their good juju and some peace of mind. I had errands to run. More than one song came on the radio as I drove from place to place that reminded me of Joe. After I stopped at Trader Joe’s I noticed that the line at the Chic-fil-A  next door was manageable. I haven’t been there in some time. It was after noon and I still had not eaten anything that morning, so I decided to go.

The outside employee took my order then said, “That will be $7.58″. That made me smile. That was my house number when I was growing up and a sign to me that my parents are near. I was smiling as I waited to see if it was me or the car to my right that was next to pay. The cashier said, “Kay” as she looked at the two of us. I smiled again, thinking of my mama.

I got my lunch and drove down the road to Queen of Heaven Cemetery. I drove through the winding road to the mausoleum. We were certainly not thinking straight when Joe died, but I am very happy we chose this place for Joe. I am sad to admit it was 2019 the last time I visited. I tried once a few months ago, but there was a funeral service happening in Joe’s mausoleum, so I didn’t stay.

I sat in the parking lot eating my sandwich, thinking about my son. Seems cruel that he only had 19 years 5 months and 21 days on this planet. One thing I will say about Joe is he loved and lived every one of those days to the fullest.

How am I filling my days? What is important to me?

I finished my lunch, walked to the door and punched the familiar code to enter. Not much has changed here in 9.5 years. A few names have been added to the wall, but other than that, the same. I only needed to walk a few steps before I sat on the bench in front of the marble wall. My sweet handsome son’s face smiling back at me. I took a deep breath, the smell distinct, like new construction. Same as so long ago.

I talked to Joe. Told him I know he is around me, Sadie and his dad. I know he is not here. Not inside this marble wall. This is just where his earthly body was placed once he didn’t need it any longer. He is free. I feel that. He is large, light and wonderful. He is more than I can imagine with the greatest part of my imagination. I find joy in that.

I look to the left of Joe’s name. There is a clean marble slab. Empty. One day my own name will be on that marble. One day I will leave this planet and join my boy. How do I want to fill the days, weeks, months and hopefully many years until that happens? Do I want to fill my head with political Facebook nonsense? Nope. Do I want to be sad or upset about anything? Nope. It is a privilege to be here. To be on this planet. Not everyone is given the gift of time. It is now that I will take a hard look at how I am spending that time.

That clean slab of marble represents a clean slate for me. I will take stock in myself and my life.

We all spend too much time on the white noise in our lives. You may not have a clean slab of marble, or know where your earthly body will be when you leave, but you do know no one is getting out of here alive. What is important to you? Are you spending time and concentrating on the things that really matter? Are you living your life to the fullest?

 

 

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